


A Home Where You Belong

by Gul099



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Mob, Amputee Bucky Barnes, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Body Modification, Brock Rumlow needs to die, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Creepy Brock Rumlow, Dog Tags, Drug Use, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Hurts So Good, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love at First Sight, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Torture, Past Violence, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Recovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Build, Steve Rogers Feels, Strangers to Lovers, Tags May Change, Tell me if there is a tag i should add, Touch-Starved, Trust Issues, Victim Blaming, honestly, mobster steve, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-16 20:22:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gul099/pseuds/Gul099
Summary: Bucky just needs a place to called home. Steve just needs someone to love.Steve found a homeless in the middle of winter, without realizing his pity will blossom into something much more romantic. Bucky tried to run from his past, tried his best to find a place he can call home, he realize those blue eyes can be home for him. Until his past catches on, and leave a seven year gap.Will Steve able to find his browned eyed prince after seven years and still be able to love him, will Bucky finally be at home with his blue eyed angel, or will Bucky's past take the live he wants to build. Will seven years means nothing or does it makes all the difference





	1. Prologue : Part 1

Steve is walking down Prospect Park; fogs appear from his breath; snow already fall for a few hours and it started to cover the ground. He pulled his coat closer; but he saw something in the distance, a figure curled up with seems to be a type of blanket with his back against a tree. ‘ _A homeless_ ’ Steve thought, ‘ _just walk, paid no attention, fuck I stop didn’t I_ ’ Steve stop a few meters from the homeless man, observing him. The blanket that he uses to coat himself with is thin; Steve can see snow hanging on his eyelashes, Steve sighs and walk to him. The man notice Steve’s approach and he looked up; he was shocked, the man’s eyes was the most gorgeous pair of eyes he’s ever seen, it was brown, but not like usual brown, something makes it glisten with a special look, a contras to the white of the snow, yet their gaze are much colder. Steve takes off his coat and hand it to the man, but the man just stare. So Steve take the liberty of putting the coat on the man’s body, he then brush the man’s hair from the fallen snow and give his beanie. The man stays quiet during the whole process.

“I think it’s better for you to not stay here. The guards are gonna catch you. Also, stay warm” Steve smile, the man just nodded. When Steve walking away from the man; he can hear the man say thank you, faintly. Steve’s heart skip a beat hearing the man’s voice for the first time, and a surge of unknown yet pleasant warmth creeps under his skin.

A black SUV already waited Steve near the park gate. The door swung open, Steve climbed to the back seat. “Where is your coat? It’s freezing out there” said a red haired woman, Steve chuckled and told the SUV to move.

The whole car ride all Steve can think about is the guy. The way his eyes glisten, the way those lips shiver, how much he wanted to attack those lips, the way his thick hair felt on his hand, how much he wanted to comb his hair with his hand as they lay in front of a fireplace, how much he wanted to keep him warm and safe in his arms.

‘ _I’m fucked’_

Steve thought is interrupted with the sound of his car being turned off. Beside of an abandoned warehouse the car was parked. Steve walked to the front of the warehouse, the red haired woman open the door in front of him then closed it as soon as he entered the building. The warehouse is quite packed, random stuff scattered all around, from tables, chair, there are even several rusted car lying around. The ships create on the back of the warehouse in the reason Steve is here. There was nothing special about that blue create, except the yellow-golden wing that was painted on the door.

The red haired woman knock in a code, the door swung open. Inside a dirty blond haired man open the door, with an annoyed smile.

“Natasha, do you care to explain why you’re late?”

The woman called Natasha didn’t answer, she just barge though him. Steve followed her. The create has a hidden door that led to a stair case underground. There are rows of rooms, corridor are made to look like a maze, with the same grey paint. Steve open the door of one of the room, inside there is a tied up man, he sit on a metal chair, with nothing but a bulb to light the room, it was an interrogation.

“Tell everything you just told Clint earlier” Natasha’s word startled the man.

“Just asked it yourself, bitch” the man answer with a mocking tone.

Steve enter the room, “Oh, but I want to hear you saying it, with the sound of your bone cracking”, Steve’s tone erased the cockiness the man has; his tone was cold and emotionless.

“Tell me, what did you stole from the Howling Commando mob?”, and with a wicked grin the door swung closed, muffling the sound of an agonizing scream.

*********

The morning sun’s heat along with the guard’s voice woke Bucky up.

“Sorry Buck, but you gotta go. Or else I’m going to get fired” the dark skinned guard said apologetically.

“No problem Sam, just give me a minute to stretch” Bucky stretched before getting up and dusting his pants from snow.

“By the way, is that a new coat and beanie? Who gave it to you?” ask Sam.

‘ _Oh yeah, the coat and the beanie’_  Bucky touch both the coat that drape on his shoulder and the beanie on his head. “Some blonde guy gave it to me last night when it was snowing”

“Whoever that blonde guy is, he sure as hell is rich; those stuffs look expensive. By the way here’s ten bucks. Hope it can last long”. Sam gave Bucky ten bucks; Bucky walks away, with a ten dollar bill crumble up in his hand. With the blanket neatly folded in his backpack, he imagines the blonde haired angel. His blue eyes, the way his eyes look at him, the way his neck begging to be kissed, how comfortable it will be resting his head on those chest as they cuddle at night, the way his shoulder will be the place of all his tears.

Bucky imagining things he shouldn’t be imagining. He pulled the coat closer, not because it was cold, it’s because so he can smell his scent. It was pleasant, it smells like old paper, paints, woods, ash(?), and a smidge of iron. It warmth his heart, his smile is followed by a chuckle. ‘ _Bucky, you’re so pathetic. Falling for someone who won’t fall for you. You don’t even know the guy, hell you don’t even know if you’ll see him again. Beside you’re homeless; no one in the right mind would have feeling for you other than pity, let alone date you’._  But somewhere in the depth of Bucky’s mind he hopes that his angel doesn’t have the right mind.


	2. Prologue : Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dinner with his blue eyed angel, what could go wrong?  
> It seems the past can run very fast

The sound of Steve’s dog tags hitting each other on his chest filled the corridor as he hastily walked to his car; he beatted the guy senseless all night. Stealing from the Howling Commandos is one thing, but hurting its member; that is crossing the line. One of the few reasons why the Howling Commandos is regarded as one of the most powerful mob in Brooklyn is because members are considered family, not just colleague. They always got each other’s back, ‘if you got hurt, hurt them back. If you got killed, the killers will weep’ are one of the few philosophies that held this mob together.

‘ _They will pay’_ Steve thought as he held the dog tags that hung his neck.

Unlike other mobs who tattoo their sign on their body, the Howling Commandos use dog tags, like in the military. A pair of tag, both with their name engrave on the front, and the symbol on the back. If a member died, the mob keep one tag, the other is sent to their next of kin. The manner on how the carry their tags are up to them, as necklaces, as bracelets, as key chains, there are even someone who uses them as earrings. No matter how, they just have to carry them anywhere at any time. And if they wishes to tattoo the Howling Commandos symbol they can, if the symbol is somewhere discreet, chest are one of the famous spot.

“Natasha, contact Tony, tell him to find Peter’s whereabouts.” Steve said as he jumped into the car. “As well as Bruce, I want Peter to be examine and treated accordingly”

Steve car cut the silence of Brooklyn dawn; he wanted to take a shower in his apartment (read: penthouse)

The warm water flow down his body, with both hand prop against the wall his mind drift to Peter.

‘ _Peter, I will find you, and beat the guy who is responsible with my own hand’_

He just imagined how terrified Peter must be, his never faded smile finally faded for the first time. He regreted sending Peter alone.

‘ _Regret will do nothing; the only thing to do is getting him back’_

Steve stayed at his apartment all day, revising all the update he got so far. All the information Steve get at the end of the day is Peter is still in Brooklyn, and they manage to pin down four mobs that might be responsible. The sun is setting, and they hit a dead end, Steve mind is going crazy; so far no demand has been made by Peter’s capturer, which means this is not a hostage situation. This means in the next 12 hours if the capturer still doesn’t make any contact Peter is gone or worse _….(expelled, sorry I can’t help it)._ Steve wanted to go to the HQ, before he decided to take an evening run, after Natasha, Clint, and the whole mob persuaded him that they can handle it.

Even in the cold winter wind Steve still run, it’s one of the few ways he can clear his mind. During the second laps he sees a familiar face, jacket, and beanie. It was him; those brown eyes can be spotted by Steve miles away. Steve’s stomach rumbles and an idea pop into his head.

‘ _Should I? Or shouldn’t I? I probably shouldn't? But fuck’_

Steve decided he should. He jogs to the man, and at that time he never in his life be more jealous to his coat then he is right now. He sees the man pulling the coat closer.

“Hey, how are you?” ask Steve. ‘ _Really Steve, how are you!’_

The man looked up. Confused, and then remembers. “May I hel-,”. Steve is puzzled why the man is suddenly stopped talking. And as if he was gathering his courage, he continues.

“I’m goo-,” his stomach rumbles, and Steve can sees the redness on his check.

“My apartment is right around, you can come and join me for dinner”. Steve ask him

“But I’m-,”

“I take that as a yes”. And Steve takes his hand and drags him along to his apartment.

Steve’s heart flutters when he grabs the man’s hand. It was rough and cold.

They enter the elevator; the man still doesn’t speak a single word; Steve started to wonder if it was the right choice inviting him for dinner; he just doesn’t want to offend the guy. The elevator swing open, and they stay inside for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have force you to-“

“No, I… do… don’t min… mind. It’s just that I’m di… dirty and I don’t wa…. want to make a me… mess of yo…..your ho……home” the man stutter guiltily.

Steve smile light up. He pulled the man outside the elevator.

“Why don’t you take a shower first then we have dinner”

*********

This is too good to be true. Bucky can’t believe that his blue eyed angel is actually inviting him into his home and taking him for dinner. Then dread slowly crept in.

‘ _But what if I make a mess of his place, and he kicks me out, what if..,’_

So many ‘what if’ pop on his head during the elevator ride that he didn’t realize he was making such a face. When they got out of the elevator, Bucky was stunned.

‘ _This is not an apartment, this is a penthouse’_

It was predominately white with a few touches of black and gold. And damn it was large; this guy must be rich as fuck. His anxiety hit again, the ‘what if’s are flooding his mind. But all his worries faded as soon as he offers him a shower.

He jumped in to the shower in the guest bedroom. He knows he is dirty but just doesn’t know how dirty he is until he saw the muck, grim, and dust on the white floor. When got out, he sees a note on top of a pile of clothes.

 

‘ _Use these clothes while I wash yours’_

_S.R_

He know this S.R guy is rich, but giving (well maybe not giving, lending is more accurate) a stranger a Louis Vuitton pajama set. It was one of the softest things Bucky had put on his body in a while, in forever really.

‘ _You have really fallen for the guy huh? Buck, its pity not love’_

As he walked out from the room, his nose is abused by the smell of food.

‘ _No, you can’t cook, no one is this perfect’_

*********

Steve is heating the leftover steak and mashed potato, when he came out of the shower. In the silver and white pajama set, he looks stunning. He shuffles awkwardly in the spacious room. Steve gestures his hand for him to move closer, and he did. “Take a seat over there” Steve point to the round dining table. As he takes a seat the meal is ready, Steve put a serving in front of him; Steve also put one across the table.

“What do you want to drink?”

The man didn’t answer, so Steve brought the man the same drinks as him which was a glass of water and a glass of warm chocolate milk. Steve brought his drink first then brought his own to the table. Steve sat across of him. The man didn’t move, Steve guess he didn’t want to eat first, so Steve takes the first bite. Strangely he didn’t go for the steak or the potato first; instead he sips the chocolate milk, as if he tried to preserve it. Faintly, Steve can him whispers.

“Thank you; it’s been a long time since I drank chocolate milk”

And with that Steve’s heart melt. They talked through the evening; well Steve talked he just listens.

*********

Bucky left the apartment feeling good, snow started to fall, he let Bucky kept the coat, beanie, and the pajamas, but Bucky refused, he only take the coat and beanie. He pulled the coat closer; felling the cold wind on his face.

“Hello Buck, it’s been a long time” yet the voice behind him makes even the coldest winter wind fells warm. In a fragment of second those voice bring back so many memories he tried to buried, like a broken dam, it came flooding back. ‘ _This is it, the past that I tried to run away from finally catches on’_

A bag blinded him, and a grip binds his body. In his futile effort of trying to break free, Bucky’s backpack fall to the ground; covered by the falling snow. Like its owner’s past. Now all that’s left are footsteps as Bucky once again are tore away from his live. Or what left of it.


	3. The Seven Years Gap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is a curious concept

**Seven Years Later**

Time is a curious concept. It’s equal and yet different at the same time. It flows like a river, running at pace that differ from one’s perception. For Steve, seven years meant building an empire. His kingdom has spread outside of Brooklyn, into all of New York. The Howling Commandos is in its golden age. The famous Maximoff twin join his mob, Peter finally has taken control of media in New York, he has conquered the underworld drug smuggling ring, money laundering is nothing more but a game to him, countless bars, pub, and clubs are owned by him. With cops, crooks and the media under his thumb no one can touch him. Still, it leave a hole in his heart; a regret that haunt him on those seven years. To Steve those seven years are the epitome of contradiction, it happen so fast it felt slow.

After a long day he just wanted to come back to his Brooklyn apartment, although he owned a mansion he still holds on to this lot. It means so much, he can’t let it go. In the evening, he is finally able to enter his apartment. He takes of his clothes, changes into something more comfortable and sits in his office. The way the snow falls as seen on his window takes him back; to the one time he didn’t listens to his heart.

_Steve is on his morning run. A few minutes ago he hear Peter’s whereabouts, the Howling Commandos are taking care of it right now. He almost finishes his lap around the block when he sees a familiar backpack almost buried by the snow. He brought it into his apartment and open it up, inside there was a navy blue blanket, and a worn out notebook. He is hesitant to opening the notebook, so he inspects the blanket. It has many patches, but something special still woven in its fabric. Its his scent, it smells like woods, oak trees, coffee beans, and the ground after it rains, but there is something much more foully beneath all of that, yet it smells like home to Steve._

He sighs and open the safe under his desk, inside four of Steve’s most precious possession are kept inside there. The backpack, notebook, blanket, and Steve’s sketches and drawings of Bucky. Even in summer he still cloaks himself inside his blanket when he longed for home. These seven years his ambition of finding Bucky are second to none, not even his ambition of taking over New York. Every day he walked in Prospect Park in search of his brown eyed prince, he searches high and low, practically turn New York upside down, not even a single clue has he found, not even how he disappears. He takes out the blanket and his sketch book, as he surrounds himself in his essence he draws. As the charcoal tip dances on the white paper an image started to appear, an image of a perfect home, at least for Steve. It becomes more vivid as time passes. Time, the only connection they have, the thing that converge them, and then tear them apart.

*********

Time is a curious concept. It’s the same and yet different at the same time. It flows like a river, running at pace that differ from one’s perception. For Bucky, those seven years meant turning back the clock. His past is finally able to hold him once more. Brock Rumlow, his “boyfriend” beat him senseless the first couple of day after he’s been caught. Seven long days, that is the time Bucky’s past takes to catches on. Seven days, filled with more happiness then the twenty seven years he’s been alive. To Bucky those seven years are the epitome of contradiction, it happen so slow it felt fast.

Now he is hold up inside a concrete prison, with nothing more but a stray of light accompanying him. He has been abused, torture, and raped many more times than before he escapes. They treat him like trash, Brock uses him as a beating pole to punch and fuck, so does the rest of his friends. They didn’t think he would last this long, that he would break much sooner; Bucky should have, but those glistening blue eyes are the reason he never let go. Because after twenty seven years Bucky have been alive, he finally found a reason to. He jerks his head back, looking at the ceiling; a small chuckle leaves his mouth.

On most days, those blue eyes are enough to keep him going. Today was not one of those days.

The door swung open, a familiar silhouette stands on the threshold. The sound of clocking high-heels echoes in his cell.  With a metal tray full of food and pills in her hand she sat on the floor, her black culotte touches the cold floor. She handed Bucky the plate of food, it was a bland porridge, with a loaf of hard bread.

As he ate, Bucky said, “Can you just kill me Becca? I mean, Brock wouldn’t even care”

“Buck, you know I can’t do that. Beside someone is still waiting you at home, and you will return to your home”

“But my house burned down long ago. And no one is waiting for me to return”, Bucky’s tears are banging in his eyes.

“A home doesn’t have to be a building; it can be two eyes and a heartbeat. Someone will always be waiting for you Buck”. And with that they stay in silence, until Bucky finishes his meal.

Bucky give the metal bowl he uses for eating his porridge from to Becca; Becca then gives him the pills, it’s a type of drug that numb his sense.

“I’m so sorry Bucky, but I can’t crank up the dose anymore, Brock will notice it”, she said guiltily as he drank the pills. These pills meant one thing, in the next two hours Brock will come in with some of his friends and beat him or fuck him mercilessly, often both at the same time. Becca was kind enough to give him pills that made him thinks it was all just a nightmare. But the pills can only do so much.

Becca leaves the room, in the dark he waited for the drug to kick in. The drug makes drowsy and that makes him imagining things that will never happen, but he did nothing to stop it. He let himself to live in the world of hallucination even for a little bit. Today he imagine home.

_With paper bags in both hand, he pushed the door with his shoulder. He puts down one of the bag so he can press the button in the elevator. He reached their floor. The door opened to his blue eyed angle wearing the sweater Bucky made for him, with a sketch book, looking at the window. He puts the groceries in the kitchen, and then hugs him from behind. He was surprised by the sudden touch he drop his sketch book. Bucky kisses his neck, before he jumped past the sofa and lays his head on his angle’s thigh. He grabs his sketch book that was on the floor, kisses Bucky’s forehead, and continues drawing. Bucky uses his finger to make circle on his thigh. Despite the winter howls his snow and coldness, they are in warmth that he wishes he can stay inside of forever._

The sound of the metallic door swung hard disturbs his fantasy. In his drowsiness, he sees home looking straight on the eyes, that’s his home, his two eyes and a heartbeat. Time, the only connection they have, the thing that divided them, and the thing that will mend their bond.


	4. Do You Have A Home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, there are some tags that I change. It's all because I see this fic is going to another direction than when I started it. So i'll finished this one and maybe start a new one

The Howling Commandos are in a hectic dynamic; apparently someone had made a tip that a building somewhere in Brooklyn has something precious to the Howling Commandos. Although they have reviewed everything, nothing is seemed to be missing but the source is persistent that it is important to the Howling Commandos. Natasha has already checked the creditability of the source and said it’ll be worth checking; besides if they lied, Steve knows where to find them.

Steve insists on coming with Natasha and Clint. Saying that it’s been a long time since he has been in the field.

“Steve, do you realize how many targets are on your back? If this is a trap you’re going… You know what I’m not gonna say it” Natasha said with an annoyed tone as she straps her gun on her belt.

“I can take care of myself, besides if something were too happened, I know you and Clint will protect me” Steve said with those puppy eyes. Natasha sighs.

“Fine, BUT if I go first, and you have to follow my orders just this once, no ifs, ands or buts”

Steve’s face light up like a kid that was given permission on stay after his curfew.

“Get ready, in the mean time I have someone to call”. Natasha waves her phone, and then strides away.

 Natasha always does that, like a ritual. Every time she wanted to go out she always called Pepper, her girlfriend. Steve just smiles, how he envy her. Steve’s mind drift in to a world he wishes to live in, a world where he can hold his brown eyed prince, wake up seeing his face in the morning, and sleeps at night holding him close.

Natasha has already pulled the car over, so Steve just has to get in.

“Clint is already near the area, so far there is no activity yet. He’ll give us more information when we get there”

The ride was quiet. When they arrive at the building they don’t know what to expect, it was abandoned yet somewhat well cared and maintained. They got out of the car with caution. Clint is nowhere to be seen, which means he is doing his job. As soon as he got out of the car, his earpiece let out a familiar voice.

“Boss, what’cha doing here, it’s dangerous.”

“He insisted” Natasha is still annoyed

Clint just snorted. “So far no one has enter nor left the building, and there is no heat signature that suggest there is anyone inside, although I did read a small amount on the lower part, but it’s either too deep or something is blocking my heat vision”

“Want to back down Steve?” Natasha teases

“No, do you?”

They move in, Nat’s first followed by Steve. The building looks like several houses combined together. Over thirteen rooms were inspected but nothing was there. “You sure Clint there is a heat signature here and you said it was underground?”

“Yeah, why?”

“There is nothing indicating that there is an underground level” Natasha said matter of fact

Steve is looking around; he fells the wind on his face, an idea lit up.

“Nat, can you scan the air current inside this building”. Steve’s order is followed by Natasha using her scanner. She paces around the room for a few moments until stopped in front of a giant book case.

“There is an air current behind this book case, also drag marks”. Natasha points at the floor

Steve with the help of Natasha move the book case slightly ajar, behind it there is a metal door. It’s locked. Natasha inspects the door.

“This is interesting, this is the Harpocrates 900. It’ll be hard for me to bust it open”

“Should I go to the car and ge-” Steve’s words are cut off by the sound of an unlocking metal door.

“I said it’ll be hard, not impossible” The grin on Natasha’s face is returned by Steve’s sneer.

Behind the closed door lies a room with five doors, two on each side and one at the end of the room. Steve gave Natasha a meaningful nod. They take a door on each side. “On the count of three, one…two…three” They both open the door and found nothing inside both of them. The move to the next door and found nothing either. The door at the end of the room is the only one that hadn’t been opened. Natasha gave the door a light push, what Steve found inside is something he’ll never expect in a thousand years, in these circumstances at least. 

It was his brown eyed prince, sat back against the wall, shivering inside the concrete cage. Ignoring Natasha’s word he came closer to see his beloved once again after seven years. His hair is longer, Steve’s didn’t mind, he is thinner than what Steve remember, but the most shocking things of all is his left arm, it’s gone. Steve hugs him, cradles him in his embrace without a damn in the world he shed tears. When a hand touches his shoulder he almost break that hand, no one is going to bother him in his grief. Still Steve looks up only to see Natasha pointing at the wall behind his prince with a little fear mixed with anger in her eyes. In the wall painted a skull with scratches cross under it, it was the symbol of the Crossbone mob.

*********

Bucky didn’t remember being carried to some place. So why did he feel as if he was lying on top of a giant cloud. He tried opening his eyes, but it felt heavy. So he decided to stay there in his cloud bedded dream before waking up to his hard concrete reality. After what seems to be minutes, his dream doesn’t disappear. He forced his eyes shoot open; he was in fact lying on a bed, a proper one. He jerked awake, uncovering the cover only to see a loose pajama on his body. He realized that maybe somehow Brock had rent him away.

‘ _Not rent, it means you have a worth to begin with. Lend away is more appropriate’_

But he still can’t shake the felling that Brock will be furious with him if he didn’t come back home. Home how he wished that this room he can call home, instead of that hole, how he wanted for that blue eyes to be his home. He walked to the door, and prays that it didn’t make a sound as he opened it. He walked outside, as he closed the door as soundless as possible, a woman voice spoke behind him.

“I suggest you stay inside that room, the Boss wanted to see you as soon as he is done with his business”

Bucky spun around and sees a red haired woman in tight black suit with a black leather jacket, her tone mixed with her gaze unsettles Bucky, he lowers his head and shifted on his feet.

 With a cracked soft voice he answer “I’m….so….sorr…y Ma’am”

“MA’AM” the woman’s voice peaked with anger. Bucky winced, ready for a slap across the face, or a punch in the gut, anything really.

“Nat, come on, don’t torture the poor man” Bucky is in shock, it’s his angel’s voice. I was sweet, soft, silky, yet masculine and strict at the same time. He lifted his head to see his angel’s blue eyes, something change though; he have a beard now, not that Bucky mind. Seconds later he realized he shouldn’t be this impudent to these people; they seemed intimidating, even by Brock’s standard.

The woman called Nat laughed, her laughter is carefree and joyful; a complete opposite from the voice that came out of the same mouth a few moments earlier.

“Nat, what is he doing outside his room?” His angel said as he walked closer, the closer he is the lower Bucky hung his head; a sign of submission.

“Don’t know, apparently don’t care. Besides I gotta go, you can take care of him, ya” and with that Nat walked away, leaving the two of them.

Bucky just stayed silent; he can feel his angel’s eyes on him.

_‘Maybe he is thinking ways he can punish me, I did disobey his order. Damn it Buck, you should’ve stayed inside the room, he is disappointed at you, you fucked up Buck”_

“You must be starving, follow me. We can talk later”. They walked through the mansion, Bucky wandering what happened to the penthouse in Brooklyn, he wanted to ask but he remembered.

_‘Speak when you are spoken to’_

They don’t talked much, his angel is leading the way, and Bucky followed four steps behind. Eventually they made it into the dining room, it was stunning and grand. It reminded him of the Brooklyn penthouse, it felt warm and inviting. There are large windows that overlooked a beautiful garden, light filtered from outside when those heavy curtains aren’t drawn over them. The room is filled with portraits of paintings, a single looked and Bucky knew all of them are genuine. His angel sat on the head of the wooden table that filled most of the room, next to him there are a set of spoons, knives, forks; as if it was for an unnamed guest. Bucky just stand between the hallway and the dining room, his angel looked up.

“Come here, sit with me, I won’t bite”

Bucky walked slowly to the table and hesitant sitting next to him. His angel gets up and pulled out the chair. “Sit here”

Bucky sat on the chair with his hand on his lap and his head bowed as low as possible. The butler laid a silver tray with a cover over them. The butler uncover them, inside there is a steak with mashed potato; they also served water and chocolate milk. Bucky just stared at the food, the utensils, and his angel repeatedly. “Go ahead, I’m sure you’re famish”

Bucky lift the fork from the gold linen, it felt strange in his finger; it’s been a while since he used a silver utensils; Brock either gave him plastic or nothing at all.

“I forgot”, he then got up from his chair, moved besides Bucky, then cuts his steak in to little pieces, then sit back, Bucky stayed quiet. He dipped the fork in to the mashed potato, and brought in to his mouth. After that he just stared at the food; he was taken back to that winter at the penthouse. He was taking a walk down memory lane, when he spoke.

“You remember that night, at my apartment” he said it as if he was taking a walk down memory lane with Bucky.

 _‘Yes’_ but Bucky stayed silent.

“Tell me about yourself, if you don’t mind”. Bucky keep his mouth shut still. He sighed.

_‘No Bucky, you disappoint him once more, you should be punish, you don’t deserves this food’_

“Well if you don’t want to talk, I’ll talk for the both of us, if you don’t mind of course” he gave Bucky a few seconds to answer to his offer. Seeing Bucky didn’t answer, he continued. “Since I didn’t tell you my name the last time, I’ll start with that. My name is Steve Rogers”

Bucky stiffened his muscle, his stomach clenched at the sound of that name. He was sitting at the same table as Steve Rogers. The Steve Rogers. The Steve Rogers who single handedly take over Brooklyn underground in matter of few years. The man who is the King of the Concrete Jungle when he was only twenty five years old, literally from the bottom to the top.  The one who put more tyrant politicians in prison and gave them what they deserved then anyone even the government can. The one who blackmail then murdered a corrupt New York Senator then walked out of the trial as if it was nothing. Who in the last seven years have lowered the crime rate in Brooklyn, by taking over any other mob and gang there is. Who in the last seven years also conquered the rest of New York with an iron fist. The man who has multiple chain of restaurants, cinemas, convenient stores, and many more but only uses only half of them as money launderer. The rest are for families who wanted to come to America in order to have a better live, worked. He takes in illegal immigrants, the poor, homeless, and any people who wanted money to work for him, either in the mob, or in his more legal business. He even gave them a place to stay, with rent much cheaper than a normal New York lot. The man who has ties to the king of an African country, some said the king owed Steve his life, and also have ties with a European richest and most powerful family. The same Steve Rogers who Brock Rumlow hated so much. At least that what he thinks, since there are many night that Brock had fucked him as he mutter curse words along with the name Steve Rogers.

At the thought of that a cold sensation runs on Bucky’s spine. What would Brock do if he knew Bucky was sitting, eating with Steve Rogers?

“From the looks of it you already know what I do for a living” Steve’s smile can brighten up the entire room. “Someone has made an anonymous tip that a building somewhere in Brooklyn lies something that is important to me. At that same building we found you, I don’t know if the person giving that tip meant you that were what they thought important, or there is actually some stuff in that building that is important to me” Steve pauses for a moment to put another bite of steak in his mouth.

_‘This is it Buck; this is the part where he beat you up. And you’ll probably enjoy it’_

“I personally think you are not what she meant. You just in a bad place at a bad time, now I don’t know if you’re aware, the people that kept you there are some really nasty people, even by my standards. With that being said, do you have anybody to call and get you?” Steve said with the softest voice Bucky ever heard.

Bucky shook his head lightly.

“A home to return to?” Steve asked again

 _‘You’,_ Bucky shook his head lightly yet again, but somewhere in the dark corner in his head he screamed for Brock, but it let out nothing but a whisper in his mind.

“That’s okay, you can stay here instead. I’d actually prefer if you did, cause when Bruce do an examine of you when you were unconscious he told me some dreadful detail. And no, he did nothing more than examine your condition, I was there if, and it was on tape” Steve pauses again to put a piece of steak and mashed potato in his mouth. “He said that you need to lay low and rest before you can go out into the world in your current condition. So you stay here for a while, I’ll take care of you, no worries”. Steve reached out his hand and moved some of Bucky’s hair from his back to the back of his ear. Bucky tensed when Steve’s hand touched his hair. “Speaking of which, Bruce and Tony are working together to make you a new arm. How did it happen though, you losing your left arm? I mean if you don’t want to tell me it’s not a big deal” Steve smiled awkwardly.

His arm, his left arm is gone. Strange, Bucky should have remembered how it happened vividly, this is about his arm. But all he can remember are vague scream and a pain where his left arm supposed to be.

 _‘Maybe I was because of the drugs. Besides why would he need a new arm, Brock sure as hell didn’t mind, unless it was his mouth or his hole, he didn’t care what happened to the rest of his body. Maybe Steve doesn’t like broken things. It was all Bucky was and is and will always be, a broken object’_ Bucky’s thought was stopped by Steve’s concerned voice.

“Hey, are you ok? I rush didn’t I. Tell you what we’ll start slow; I only want what’s best for you. It’s no problem if you don’t want to talk, but I would appreciate it if you give me your name, only if you want thought, no pressure”

Name. Bucky sure as hell would forget his name, if it weren’t for Becca. Name, it means something special and unique, everything Bucky is not. Bucky whispered his name quietly, so quiet in fact only his mind can hear him said it.

Steve led him through his mansion, Bucky just blend in to the background while revising everything he learned from Brock and his friends. Like speak when you are spoken to, ask permission when entering a room, never looked your superiors in the eyes, don’t sat on furniture unless you are ordered to, and so on. Twilight started to sing her nightfall song when they reached the back of the mansion. Steve opened a door; Bucky peered inside and the looked at Steve puzzled.

“This is your room, mine is just across the hall if you ever need anything”, Steve said as he point a much bigger door across the hall. Steve leaned against the door frame and watched Bucky looked around the room, trying his best to hide his affection for the brown eyed prince. And same goes for Bucky, trying his best to not jumped on to Steve’s embrace and kisses his lips, cheeks, neck, his everything as he thank him over and over again.

“Get some rest, and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to knock on my door”, Steve close the door enough for Bucky to have privacy but left it slightly ajar.

Bucky just stand there, trembling with anxiety. Still shaking, he decided to take a look around what Steve said was his room, as in Bucky’s. The thought somehow freaked him out.

_‘Calm down Bucky, there is nothing to be afraid of. It’s just a room. Observe Buck, observe; there is a bed, a desk, a closet, and maybe a bathroom beyond that door. Observe the bed, Steve didn’t seems to mind me touching the furniture, let’s go with that’_

Bucky slowly put his hand on the white sheet, as if the sheet was made fire. The sheet was softer than average. Bucky was waiting for a shout, or a punch in the stomach; to tell him he was being disobedient. No scream was heard nor was a punch thrown, so Bucky push the bed with a little force; the bed was fluffier than what Bucky ever experience, but imagining himself on the top of such comfortable bed made his stomach clench, his head spin, and Brock’s words howl in his mind, ‘YOU DON’T DESERVE NICE THINGS’. Bucky decide it’ll be best just for tonight he won’t sleep on the bed just yet, Bucky’s eyes scaned the room and slowly head for the door and turn the knob. He was right, it was a bathroom. He entered the bathroom, with only the light from the main room to accompany.

_‘It’s just a bathroom Buck, nothing to be afraid of. There is a bath tub with a shower head above it, there’s the towel rack, a sink with a mirror is over there’_

Bucky looked into the mirror, he didn’t realize how terrible he looked like until he saw his reflection in the mirror. With what he looked like right now, he wandered why someone would even bat an eye, let alone take him in, and find him attractive. Even with a good rest, food (although he only ate two bite of steak and a spoonful of mashed potato), and a good clothes on his body he still looked like shit, hell shit maybe even more attractive than him right now. Bucky stared at eyes that hanged in the reflection on those mirror, and questioned his life

_‘Am I worth it? Am I even worth all of this? Should I count what he gives me as debt? Maybe I should? I have to accept that Steve will be my new owner, whether you love him or not, because you are nothing more than a pole to beat or to fuck, he was just being nice in the first day. He’ll eventually turn into Brock, sooner or later. You have to be ready when that time comes’_

 After his though run to wild for Bucky, his eyes darted into the bathtub. He strolled carefully, as if waiting for another bark of order or a smack in the head. Bucky stand on the edge of the bathtub, the cold marble reminded him of his cold past. He climbed into the tub, curled up, and let his mind take a stroll down dreamland, before his nightmare become as lifelike as his reality. Right now, he dreamt of Steve, a warm smile crept on to his face, contras to the cold past he blanketed himself in.


	5. A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Bucky can fell a soft surface under him, and a warm embrace around him; strange he was sleeping in the coldness of the bathtub. He slowly opened his eyes, he did prepared for the worst to come, but he sure didn’t expect this. His blue eyed angel, his Steve, is hugging tightly; Bucky can sense his chest goes up and down as he breathed, because he was facing it. Bucky panicked, the worst of thought keep popping up in his mind, what did Steve do to him, did he rape him while he was sleeping; where is he anyway? Bucky tried his best to move without waking up Steve, in his peripheral vision he can still see that he was still in his room, but in doing so Steve is woken up by Bucky’s effort.

“Hey there, you already woke up” Steve’s voice froze Bucky

_‘Oh shit no I woke him up; he is going to punish me. I deserve it, Brock used to punish me when I woke him up, so will Bucky’_

Steve’s hand touched Bucky’s spine, and tears slipped on his check without him realizing.

“You must be wondering why I’m here, last night you were having a nightmare and was screaming and thrashing around. Maybe it’s because you were sleeping on the bath tub, you made me worried”

_‘Bucky you made him worried, you are a burden and you’re deserved to be punish. That what Brock used to do, a burden must be punished’_

Steve broke the hugs, and without realizing it Bucky yearned for more.

“I’m sorry I should’ve asked for your consent, but your voice was so hurt I couldn’t help it. Tell you what, let’s have breakfast. After that you can stay here or go to work with me. Whatever you want, ok?”

Bucky followed Steve out of the room to the dining room, he still waited in the hall before Steve told him to come, and he waited for Steve’s words to sit on the chair. They ate food that Bucky didn’t know the name of; it was some sort of potato balls with cheese pool. Bucky only ate three pieces before his stomach wanted to push everything out. He listen to Steve talked as he still put his head low; he though it will make Steve happy to know that Bucky is in full submission, besides having Steve talked about everything but Bucky is a relieved, since Bucky doesn’t really like being the center of attention.

“I have to go to work for now, why don’t you stay here and look around, make yourself comfortable and familiar with the mansion. I’ll come later, and maybe we can walk in the garden if you want to” Steve take a drink before getting up and straightened his clothes. Bucky followed Steve to the front of the mansion where a black SUV waited for him. Before Steve left he pushed some of Bucky’s hair that block his face to the back of his ear, and God forbid Steve can see Bucky blush.

 

********

 

The whole day all Steve can think about is Bucky. Last night was an experience Steve will never forget. It was around midnight when he woken up to an agonizing scream. He was irritated at first, until he knows it was coming from Bucky’s room, he did let the door slightly ajar. He tried to knock first when the scream stopped; he decided to take a peek at the sleeping man. He was shocked to see Bucky was nowhere to be found inside the room, the bed was still neat as if he didn’t sleep on it at all; before his mind goes into paranoia he heard whimpers from the bathroom. It was dark, so Steve turned on the dim yellow light; he was not prepared to see what he saw. His brown eyed prince is sleeping, shivering, and curled up inside the bath tub, he is hugging his leg, trying his best to take as little space possible. Steve walked slowly, closer and closer each step; the voices that slipped from his brown eyed prince lips are far more horrible than what his eyes behold.

He was reliving his past in his sleep, his dark past. Tonight he was being beaten by someone and he tried his best to apologize. It was clear he was suffering, and the cold bath tub didn’t help him either. Steve tried his best to pick Bucky up and move him to his best and moved him to his bed, Bucky’s whimpers mellowed down when his head rested on Steve chest. As Steve laid Bucky’s back on top of the bed and tried to untangled him from his body, Bucky complained and didn’t let Steve go, against Steve’s better judgment, he pulled Bucky into a tighter embrace and sleep beside him, trying his best to ward off Bucky’s nightmare of a past. At that time Steve realize he had fallen for his brown eyed prince, he won’t denied it anymore; he vowed in silence that he will protect Bucky from anyone even himself.

When the day end like a long tormenting blur, Steve is not in the greatest mood; some rookie hotshot thinks he can take over the Howling Commandos as easy as flipping a hand; guess he didn’t know it’ll his head that’ll be flipping through the sewer drain. But all of Steve tension washed out when he sees his browned eyed prince in the shower. Steve didn’t mean for it to happen; as soon as he arrived he went to his room, but takes a detour to Bucky’s room. He knocked on the door, silence was the answer, and with panic creeping under his skin he opened the door. The door swung opened, but he didn’t see Bucky anywhere to be found, that is when the bathroom door revealed Bucky. The sight was painful, not because of the loss of limb, but it’s the bruises, cuts, and wounds that paint Bucky’s body, the empty stare in those beautiful brown eyes, the way those eyes always held fear and oppression, the way his body trembled as if waiting for what the worst the world have to offer. Steve takes a deep breath to gain his composure.

“I’m so…didn’t know you were in the bathroom, sorry” it’s been awhile since Steve has lost for words, trying his best to hide his blush, “Wh…why don’t you get dre….dressed, then we’ll have dinner”

Steve left the room and waited in the hall as he cursed to himself.

_‘Steve you shouldn’t have barge in like that, you invaded his space, and you are no different than Brock, now he’ll never trust you’_

The minutes went by as Steve still cursed in his mind, when the door opened to a Bucky. He led Bucky to the dining room and talked as they eat, well at least Steve talked while Bucky listen.

 

*********

 

Bucky blinked couple of times when light flooded the room. A familiar shadow stands in front of him

“Wake up bitch; it’s time to do your work. Couple of my friends wants to try that sweet hole they’ve been hearing about”

Brock’s voice meant one thing; all of it was only a dream


	6. NOTICE

Yes, that is the end.

Was only part of it a dream, or was everything is. That is up to you the reader to decide

As I said before, this fic is going to a diffrent direction than what I planned.

But fear not, I'm writing a new one, I'll post it eventually 

Gul :)

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments or suggestion so I can improve my work. Kudos are very much welcome


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